He Makes Me Happy
And it scares me.
My jetlag had woken me up again at 4:00 in the morning and this is all I can think about. So rather than write about my most recent trip to Bangkok (which is coming, I swear!), I'm left ruminating on the puzzle that is the relationship between Flyby and myself.
While I was in Thailand, Flyby and I exchanged a number of "flirt texts" as my cousin Izzie called them, making me smile throughout the trip. I called him, as he requested, after I landed at National having suffered an exhausting 27 hour ordeal of airline delays. Once he found out I was home, he got out of bed just so he could pick me up at the airport and drive me home. He's leaving for another trip early this morning, so he asked me to come over for dinner last night. We spent hours laughing and talking and cuddling on the couch.
Then, he kicked me out. Oh, did I mention that we've yet to have sex since getting back together? He's still recovering from his bout with septicemia and has just started to feel like himself. Admittedly, he suffered for a while with some ghastly symptoms and only got diagnosed late last month. I'm being the patient, understanding girlfriend but there may be a statute of limitation. For goodness sakes, it's been since October already!
I'm pretty sure doing yet another cost/benefit analysis of my relationship with Flyby won't yield any new answers. At the end of the day, why can't I just accept the way things are rather than fret about where we're going or what we're doing? Why do I have this need to define what we are? Why can't I just let things be and accept the fact that he makes me happy?
My jetlag had woken me up again at 4:00 in the morning and this is all I can think about. So rather than write about my most recent trip to Bangkok (which is coming, I swear!), I'm left ruminating on the puzzle that is the relationship between Flyby and myself.
While I was in Thailand, Flyby and I exchanged a number of "flirt texts" as my cousin Izzie called them, making me smile throughout the trip. I called him, as he requested, after I landed at National having suffered an exhausting 27 hour ordeal of airline delays. Once he found out I was home, he got out of bed just so he could pick me up at the airport and drive me home. He's leaving for another trip early this morning, so he asked me to come over for dinner last night. We spent hours laughing and talking and cuddling on the couch.
Then, he kicked me out. Oh, did I mention that we've yet to have sex since getting back together? He's still recovering from his bout with septicemia and has just started to feel like himself. Admittedly, he suffered for a while with some ghastly symptoms and only got diagnosed late last month. I'm being the patient, understanding girlfriend but there may be a statute of limitation. For goodness sakes, it's been since October already!
I'm pretty sure doing yet another cost/benefit analysis of my relationship with Flyby won't yield any new answers. At the end of the day, why can't I just accept the way things are rather than fret about where we're going or what we're doing? Why do I have this need to define what we are? Why can't I just let things be and accept the fact that he makes me happy?
posted by JoJo at Friday, December 15, 2006
5 Comments:
You're a great girlfriend. Sepsis would totally be enough to destroy his, er, "drive" for a while. It will return in time, and don't think for a second it's anything to do with you!
I hope he continues to get better and that the relationship becomes more defined for you. Good luck!
I agree with E - very good GF. He's lucky to have you!
I must agree. With all of the above. There's no way to know what the future holds, just take some deep breaths (like 10!) and try to enjoy the moment(s). This too shall pass.
E - Thanks for the encouragement. Yes, I know his lack of drive has nothing to do with me. Believe me, he's indicated in a number of ways, he would if he could.
Scarlett - If only I would be brave enough to call myself his girlfriend in real life. Again, that whole definition thing stumps me.
Bee - I'm trying to do a zen thing. Breath in, breath out.
i think when girls are happy, we feel the need to define things. heck we feel the need to define things even when we're unhappy. just try and relax and concentrate on the good things like he makes you happy. and that's really what matters.
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